Since they insisted on staying in a hotel (we only had a fold-out love seat to offer them), they
might not technically have been house guests. Regardless, they have helped us to define the "rent" we will charge to future visitors who stay with us (never fear, we now have a spare bedroom with a double bed in it). Want to enjoy a fun, cheap vacation in Mexico City, complete with manic guides? Simply peruse the suggested packages below:
A) Long weekend, comple
te with trip down to the famous floating gardens of Xochimilco, all the Mexican pastry you can endure, exploration of the Chapultepec war memorials, and one terrifying night-time taxi ride with a cabby who speaks no English and is horribly lost. Optional case of food poisoning, no additional cost. Price: two tins of Swiss Miss cocoa mix (with the little marshmallows... we like to pick them out of the cocoa powder and eat them), a box of tea (not chamomile or mint, for goodness sakes. That's almost all I can find here.), and a bottle of horseradish mustard.
B) Everything from Package A, plus three more days spent dodging insistent Mexican craft sellers, a climb up a pyramid, a long visit to the world-class Anthropology Museum (I guarantee that you still won't see half of it!), a performance of Mexican "fliers" swinging upside-down from a rotating metal pole while playing some sort of pan flute (Yes, it's strange and inexplicable. I don't get it, either.), and, as an added bonus, we will at some point promise to lose you in a crowded metro station and expect you to find your own way home (It's totally like and urban version of Survivor! Think how proud you'll feel when you make your way home!). If you're lucky, Keating will treat you to his now-famous fresh squeezed orange juice. Cost: a tea kettle, English-language cookbook, books you've finished reading, and Milky Way 100% caramel candy bars (at least 2).
C) For longer trips, we will likely eventually run out of local ideas and will ultimately pack you off to something a little farther out. We're looking for volunteers to help us explore the beaches of Acapulco and the markets of Taxco (the silver capital of the world). We have more pyramids within a couple-hour drive than you can shake a stick at. Looking for something truly unique to do on your vacation? Shazta is always looking for sherpas (uh, I mean "assistants") for field work in Veracruz (just don't read that other post too carefully, huh?). We might even let you eat some of the fruit from our uber-cool kumquat tree that we've got growing in our garden*. Cost: More Swiss Miss, more candy bars (That don't contain chili powder. We've already got that covered, trust me.), Frank's Red Hot (!!!!!), and maybe some beef on weck and sponge candy. If you can figure out how to smuggle us some Duff's wings, we will probably just let you move in for as long as you like.
Unfortunately for my parents, we managed to fit a terrifying amount of those activities into their three days here. One high point came when we brought them back to our apartment for a home cooked dinner. My poor dad looked fairly perturbed by our ghetto-like neighborhood. Dad was a bit perturbed by the raucous party going on across the alley, which we could see and hear fairly well through the gaping holes in the neighbor's corrugated metal roof (we were on the fourth floor). The only thing capable of briefly overpowering the noise from the party was the occasional engine misfire or downshifting from the major road out front. Fortunately, the neighbors on the 2nd floor decided to not pick that evening to flood the building with heavy incense (the kind that no one has ever used for anything other than to cover the smell of pot). Dad definitely looked relieved to know that we would be moving the next weekend to the safest borough in Mexico City (we were on the fringe of the worst borough). Mom, for her part, was too ill to care much. It was after this charming and intimate dinner party that I placed them in a taxi with a cabbie who only pretended to know where their hotel was when I told him and tried to leave them at a hotel with a similar name in a different part of the city.
On the plus side, not only are my parents still speaking to us, they've offered to let us crash with them in a couple of weeks when they will be staying in Cancun. I suspect that they will be happy to enjoy some enforced relaxation with us instead of being pulled all over town by a couple of loving, though incompetent, tour guides (that's us!). In preparation, Keating and I have started stockpiling the rent that we will be paying them for the crash space: Trix, Honey Nut Cheerios, various pastries, etc. We might not be able to get some things we want (Swiss Miss!!!!! Why is there no normal cocoa mix here???!), but at least we have the inside track on basic groceries that are hard to find in resort towns.
P.S. -- We really do welcome friends to visit, and we really are out of the ghetto now and in a lovely apartment with a spare bedroom. It even has a bed. And sheets. We promise that we have learned our lesson and will not subject anyone to the "All of Mexico City in 3 days tour" again. Unless they specifically ask for it by name: "Packages A-C in 1-2-3."
* As a general note, do NOT try to catch a taxi while holding a kumquat tree you just bought from a nursery. Cabbies will actually FLEE from you the instant they see that tree. This makes it very difficult to get your lovely new plant home.
No comments:
Post a Comment